What is an anchor?
An anchor holds a boat down and keeps it from moving forward. A chain keeps the anchor attached to the boat.
Guilt and shame are like anchors that hold a person down. They keep a person from moving forward in life.
Guilt and shame can be confusing to define.
One person defined guilt and shame this way.
“Guilt is what you are. Shame is what you feel.”
Another person defined them this way.
“Guilt is what you feel. Shame is what you are.”
In her book, “The Language of Letting Go,” Melody Beattie defines guilt as a legal term. This implies that an action can be taken to rectify the guilt. Making restitution, making amends, or offering an apology, are actions that can satisfy a guilt obligation.
Shame is a condemnation or a painful feeling of humiliation. Shame is a negative self-identity, which implies a permanent state of being.
Every person has experienced shame or guilt. So how can a person be free of both?
Imagine each of the links in the anchor’s chain as separate events in your life. As events that brought you guilt or shame were added to your life, your chain grew longer. Your anchor grew heavier as the feelings of guilt and shame increased.
Would you like to start breaking the chains that bind you to guilt and shame? You can begin today.
Guilt, legitimate guilt, can be remedied with an action, such as restitution, making amends, apologizing, or changing behaviors.
Shame can be remedied with another type of action. Shame must be released. Letting go of shame is something you must do for yourself. No one else can do it for you. When you let go of shame, you quit holding onto it.
Shame may also be related to unresolved guilt. Taking an action to resolve guilt can help you to release shame.
When others will not allow you to make amends, it is their choice to hold onto shame. You must release that person. It is their choice to hold onto shame. Do your part, then release yourself.
Start today. Identify one action you can take to remedy your guilt. Admit that there is nothing you did and nothing more you can do; then let it go. Release it.
Each time you let go of a past action or a past shame you are breaking a chain that keeps you attached to a negative event in your past. When you begin to break the chains, your boat will begin to move forward again in life.
Is it time to start letting go of the chains that hold you down to guilt and shame?
© 2023 Debbie Maselli. All Rights Reserved.
